my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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