i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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