Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
