Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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