***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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