I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
