I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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