He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
