With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
