Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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