she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
