Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
