who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
