i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
