oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize