We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
