She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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