Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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