Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
