i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This baby is an asshole
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
