Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
