We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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