he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
