Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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