Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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