So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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