Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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