so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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