i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
