Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
