Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
