You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
