I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize