she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
