is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
