Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
