We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
