Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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