So drunk its hurt
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
