just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
