Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
