They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
