Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
