You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
