im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
