Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
