I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm too high and old for this...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
