You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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