i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
