Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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