she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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