All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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