I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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