Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
