I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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