Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
