I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
