Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
