dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
