Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize