You smell like stripper and shame
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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