I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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