I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
