I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
