i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
