i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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