is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had to cum in my sink.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
