just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
